After the year we’ve had, Jesus is the ONLY reason I haven’t lost my mind yet.
And let me tell you, it’s not because of my faithfulness in reading God’s Word, because I’ll be honest—I have failed at doing this regularly the last few months. It’s not because I’ve said or done all the right things or flawlessly projected the image of the “cool, calm and collected” person that I want people to see. It’s not because I’ve managed to remember to pray for all the people I care about every day, served others enough, or balanced everything perfectly (all things I’m always trying to do better, but can never seem to nail consistently).
Am I the only one feeling this way—stuck in failure, repeating the same mistakes over and over? And when it finally feels like you’re turning a corner, you find yourself back in the same ditch you started running from?
I don’t know about you, but this is where my brain has lived for a long time. And every time I stumble (which is often), I feel like God can’t possibly be okay with this: me messing up, whether on purpose or out of ignorance.
He’s paid way too high a price for me to give Him this kind of garbage. He has to be sick of my glitches by now, I think. No one could possibly have the patience to deal with my mess for the billionth time. I’d better play it as safe as I can and live on His doorstep, not His house…the moment I go in, He’ll look at me and I’ll be sure: He’s long past disappointed—He’s livid. He doesn’t want me anymore.
Why can’t I just get it right? I fume. Why can’t I just stop messing up altogether? I can’t live with myself the way I am—why should anyone else?
Does any of this sound familiar? I pray not, but odds are good that at least some of these things have been on your mind too. Perhaps even someone you know. Whether you’re struggling with temptation, trauma, obsessive people pleasing, unforgiveness, deep pain, guilt, crazy-hard circumstances, worries for loved ones, perfectionism, or something else, it’s never been easier to feel so hopeless that checking out begins to look like a viable option.
**And this is where I say, if you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts—PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP as soon as you can! Your life is far too valuable to be lost. I recently started counseling/therapy for the first time, and it’s been incredibly helpful, but even if you can’t do that yet, please reach out to someone you trust. If there isn’t anyone around, and it’s getting worse, go to https://
When our hearts are at this level of brokenness, we not only feel far from the people we love, but we feel far from ourselves and feel further than ever from the only One who can put us back together. And so the cycle begins—or starts again for the thousandth time. We mess up, pull away, mess up again, and pull further away. Each time we think He has less and less reason to want us, less and less patience for our issues. We keep backing toward the door, determined not to walk away completely but convinced we’re unwelcome to live inside.
Not long ago I was feeling this way, driving home from a church life group that I had more or less forced myself to go, listening to Can I Have This Dance? from the High School Musical 3 movie soundtrack.* (Maybe not the holiest song on earth, but Disney music in general is one of my safe places— whenever I put it on, I don’t feel like everything is completely terrible.)
As I was listening to the song, remembering the main character’s dancing on the East High School rooftop in my head, I heard a familiar still, small voice.
I made you because I wanted you, He said gently. I wired you this way on purpose—with your fingerprints and your voiceprint—because you are what I wanted. Only you can fill this ache in My heart. I have what it takes to always catch you, and to love you well—at your best, your worst and everywhere in between. And that, my love, is all I want.
Thankfully I wasn’t bawling so much to where I couldn’t drive, but after He said that, I was legitimately shaking with eyes full of tears. What do you say to a perfect God who tells you He made you—flaws and all—because He wanted you that way and even loves you that way?
There’s something incredibly disarming about knowing that the God who made the universe wants you—for no other reason than to love you. That He’s not like the humans who filter in and out of your life constantly, all vying for that last piece of you. Jesus is always looking to GIVE, to make your life better, not to squeeze the life out of you with rules and expectations of perfection. He took on all the expectations, lived a perfect life, and died a perfect death so we wouldn’t have to. That doesn’t only apply to salvation, you know—His grace is for every. single. moment. of. our. lives.
Knowing that, it seems natural that Jesus would want to fill the aching empty space in the heart of one lonely girl (who doesn’t want to be single forever) while reminding her that everything about her, even the things she can’t stand, actually brings Him joy.
The most beautiful part? This moment wasn’t just for me—it’s the heart of God for EVERY ONE of His daughters to know that no matter where her emptiness comes from, no matter what she’s experienced, wanted, done, struggles with, doubts, thinks or feels—she is dearly, deeply, and irrevocably loved as she is.
Including you, precious reader.
Now, if we’re anything alike, you’re probably thinking something like, Sure that sounds nice, but why am I not living in that kind of love? If it’s real, why aren’t I experiencing it?
And to that I say (both to you and to myself, because I need it too) this:
- Remember that we don’t have to feel truth to keep the door of our heart open to it (thank God!). If we had to wait for our feelings to suddenly fit with God’s Word, we’d be waiting till the rapture. It’s okay to acknowledge, This is bad right now. I don’t feel loved at all. But the Word I’m choosing to live my life on says that I am. It’s okay that I don’t feel what’s true right now—the truth still stands, and eventually my feelings will come around to experiencing His love again.
- Ask Jesus to show up in your broken places—to create unexpectedly beautiful moments that help you truly, genuinely know He doesn’t just love the world—He loves you. He’ll never turn one of His kids away when we come and ask Him to show His love for us—it’s what He’s waiting to do.
I want you to do something with me: put your full name in the spaces and say this with me (yes, I’m saying it with you as I’m typing 
.)
Jesus made me ___________ _______________ ______________, because He wanted ME. He wanted my fingerprints, He wanted my voiceprint, and He wanted everything about me the way that it is. He created me because He wanted to love me.
If you already know God’s deep love for you, this is just a reminder. But if you’ve been on the verge of forgetting lately, I hope this encouraged you and reminded you that you’re His pearl of great price—He gave up everything to be with you. And all the things in you that still need straightening out? He can handle them, and He wants to handle them, because He wants to love you in every single moment.
Here’s to the prayer that one day this will be the new record playing in our minds:
I am the one that Jesus loves.
Thank you for reading so far—you’re a fighter my friend!
Editor’s Note:
Here are a few remedies that can help:
If we can “think” of what we can “thank” the Lord for, it can change our trajectory as well as the atmosphere we’re in. When we focus on His attributes, and being thankful to Him, our focus shifts away from our lack, pain, and present circumstances to His beauty, His care, His purposes, and His promises.
Philippians 4:6-8 also teaches us the importance of giving thanks to God, as a tool to keep our minds focused upward! We are instructed to express our appreciation to God with thanks, not merely to present our needs or requests. When we thank God for everything all the time, things look different!
We can thank Him for what we have, everything He’s done already, and for who He is! Everything about Him!
He is our protector, our comforter, our shield, the lifter of our heads, the bright and morning star, our redeemer, our husband, the king of glory, and our friend who sticks closer than a brother! All these things we find in scripture!
When we thank Him and praise Him, He enters the atmosphere and brings His peace, because He is Peace! Jesus is The Prince of Peace, (Isaiah 9:6). When we give our troubles to God with thanksgiving and gratitude, He will bring a peace that is from God! And that peace will guard our “hearts,” and our “minds,” in Christ Jesus, (Philippians 4:7).
Verse 8 of this passage in Philippians 4, also shows us what we should “think“ about— “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things,” (ESV).
When we monitor our thought-life, and bring every thought under the authority of Christ, (2 Corinthians 10:5), we allow Him to rule. When we begin to think and believe that we are unloved, for instance, we can bring that thought under inspection, and if it does not align with the truth of God’s Word—which says in John 3:16, that we ARE loved—then we reject it as a lie from the “father of lies,” the devil, (John 8:44). We then align ourselves and come into agreement with the truth! Jesus is “the way, the truth and the life,” (John 14:6).
We are given these tools in order to enjoy good thinking, and positive thinking that is true. When we operate with truth, it changes the atmosphere. Jesus said in John 8:22, that the truth will set us free!
Our God desires for us to have good mental, emotional and spiritual health, and well-being, and gives us the tools to do so! His own love! And His Word of Truth! And Jesus is the Word!
Remember, God is with you! He’s for You! And He loves you!
Pray here now with us:
“Dear Heavenly Father, and Lord of all the earth, I lift my head to call upon you today, to reach out to you in this most desperate time, oh God! I confess that I need a savior to redeem me and to help me in my distress! Please come, oh God, and be the Lord of all my life! I submit to you, Jesus, and I surrender my sicknesses, my weakness, and all my sins today. I confess that I have sinned before a holy God and ask you to be the Lord of my life, and help me in this time of despair. Lift my head up again to see your matchless worth, the splendor of your works, and the beauty of your holiness! Thank you for loving me, for creating me for your glory, and thank you for giving the steadfast promise of your hope and redemption, in Jesus’ name! I ask you to write my name in the Lamb’s book of life and seal me with the promise of the Holy Spirit, that I will have knowledge of and rejoice in the God of my salvation! For now and for all of eternity! In the name of Jesus! Amen!”
